hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
