I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
