he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
