From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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