ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
