I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
