Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
