is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
