I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
