Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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