I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
