I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
