im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
