woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
