My hair reeks of homosexuality.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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