It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
