So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
