my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Randomize
