They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
