i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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