where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
