it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
