I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
