the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
