idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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