my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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