You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
