Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
