I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
this hospital has no fireball
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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