Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
