Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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