You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
