Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
