I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
