i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
