Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
