i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize