I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
