People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
