dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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