Say something about gay babies.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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