so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
