why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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