The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
