Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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