It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
