Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
