Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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