Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
