I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize