I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
