I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
