Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
