Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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