I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
