never play flip cup with pint glasses
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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