Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
