and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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