ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize