im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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