I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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