yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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