I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
