I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
