found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
