i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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