So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
