If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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