i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
