i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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