I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize