all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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