what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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