i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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