I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
