he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
