walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Its about making memories worth repressing
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Randomize
