Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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