real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You're a waste of cheezeits
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
