I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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