omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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