"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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