I'm laying in your front yard are you home
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
