So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize